Chaos Within

You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star. - Friedrich Nietzsche

It's a beautiful quote, isn't it? It is one that normally gives me comfort when I'm confused about my life or emotions. But last night, the chaos was too exhausting. Even today, while things look brighter in the daylight, I would still give almost anything for some clarity.

Instead of trying to unravel my confused emotions or trying to better understand the situation I find myself in, I'll probably revert to my tried-and-true coping mechanism--ignore my emotions until those feelings and the situation are far enough away for comfort. Sure, it sets me up to go through all this again, but finding resolution seems too hard. Besides, in the seven years we've known each other, we've never found resolution. That probably explains the cyclical nature of our relationship. But maybe it is easier to face that this might happen again than to get resolution and face that it might not.