Overheard at work

Song playing on the radio: My Grown-up Christmas List

Coworker to another coworker: Did you read my list for Santa?

Hungry?

The secretary came to the door where we were talking. "There's a guy
who is coming through the office spraying for bugs." Looking at my
pregnant coworker, she continued, "I asked him and he said that it is
a topical treatment that doesn't give off any fumes, so you should be
fine as long as you don't lick the baseboards."

I had to laugh because it reminded me of a conversation I had just had
with my dad about removing popcorn ceilings.  Apparently whatever
gives those ceilings that texture, while it is called popcorn,
actually should not be eaten.

Something I've got to try!

I was watching the Food Network this weekend and stumbled across an episode of Kid In A Candy Store where the host was visiting a The Big Top candy shop in Austin, TX. The pastry chef made an Elvis-themed chocolate bark with banana oil, banana chips & bacon and then swirled in peanut butter and jelly. I really want to try perfecting this because I think it would make quite a statement at a party!

Prognosticator

As my aunt, grandmother & I walked down the mountain at North Pole, fresh from having seen Santa's winter wonderland, I said, "I hope the baby doesn't get 30 gifts for Christmas."

My aunt replied, "I will get your baby 30 blue gifts before you leave the hospital!"

I am most definitely not having a baby now, but I will look back at this dream and scratch my head a bit if my first baby is a boy.

Quiet late night ramblings

Late night is the only time I feel alone these days and, even then, it doesn't happen often. Admittedly it is even more rare for me to think about it and appreciate it when it does happen. But tonight I was thinking about it, thinking about how at one time I was used to living alone and I enjoyed it, most of the time.

Living in an apartment by myself was adjustment. But soon it was normal and I enjoyed it. Occasionally I wondered if it was unhealthy if I went a whole weekend without talking to someone else, but I enjoyed being wholly responsible for myself. I ate and did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Sure, I might sometimes be chatty when I arrived at the office on Monday morning, but that was worth it.

Not to say I don't enjoy living with roommates, because I certainly have. But I always had my own space and a separate life from them. Now I'm wondering about what it would be like to share a living space and a life with another person. Would I lose my alone time except for late night ramblings like these?

Jinx

This weekend my family celebrated my grandmother's birthday. At one
point I heard one of my grandmother's friends asking my aunt what she
was doing these days. My aunt mentioned she had been laid off last
year when her employer was bought out and noted that our family had
been hit hard by the economy. She went on to say that she knew she
wanted to do something different with her life, but wasn't sure what.
It was simultaneously encouraging and disheartening to hear my aunt
say words that could've easily come out of my mouth. I love my aunt
and would like to emulate certain aspects of her life but, hearing her
say that, I wondered what I need to do in my life so that answer no
longer applies to me.

Snapping turtles

I feel very snappish these days and it is very uncharacteristic for me.  When someone asks me a question, I realize that the tone of my answer is often condescending.  Or when someone asks me if I've done something, my newest reply is "Don't nag me."  I don't like this change. 

 

I can think of only one other time when I noticed this about myself.  I've often thought of that weekend as the one time in my life when I was truly bitchy.  And the causes that weekend were obvious to me - it was a highly emotional time, seeing a close friend get married, and between the bridesmaid duties and rooming with my best friend, I had no time to process or breathe.  I know I'm an introvert and that weekend is just one more piece of proof.

 

So I guess the first question I should ask myself is if I'm getting any time for myself right now.  Not really.  My house is crowded with people and someone is pretty much always around.  Often when I'm not home I'm at F's, which is a nice break, but not a place to have space for myself either.  Plus, even now, when I'm alone in a room, I have the weight of three jobs and more committments weighing on me.  My schedule feels so discombobulated that I don't know how I'm going to meet those obligations, and today when my aunt mentioned a friend who had a 5-year play, I inwardly laughed - I don't have a 5-week plan, much less a 5-year plan. 

 

Earlier this summer when tears were closer to the surface that I liked, I sought therapy.  The first session was a huge cryfest.  Talking helped but I wasn't there long enough to feel like any changes stuck beyond our 1 hour together each week.   I guess I could seek therapy again - although I'm not sure when I would fit it in - and I'm afraid of what might come out of it.  I'm looking for a map to get through this rocky patch, but I'm not sure I like the choices I might have to make or the work it will take to move on from here.