Monday, October 25, 2004

I was mad

Last night I was mad.

Actually I was upset about some stuff that went on this weekend so I decided to rechannel it as anger.

First I decided to be mad at the staff member (DB) who oversee the VOLUNTEER Girl Scout trainers for the Council I live in. In this Council, it is a "requirement" to train in uniform. Previously I was an apprentice trainer and DB asked me about it periodically but didn't press me. However, now that I'm an experienced trainer she hounds me about buying a uniform every time she talks to me.

So in my head I say, "DB, I am a young professional. The limited wardrobe budget I have is better spent on pieces I can wear to work all the time rather than pieces I will only wear about six evenings a year. And I can tell you those uniform pieces were not designed with the taste of 25-year-olds in mind. I work in a male-dominated field where wearing a GS uniform to work will not further my career. Besides, I've heard trainers in this Council tell leaders that the pins are the uniform--and I train while dressed professionally and wearing my pins. The leaders respect me because I have knowledge to share with them, not because of how I dress. So until the Council begins issuing uniforms as part of our training supplies, I'm not buying one. You don't like that--fine, I quit. My life is busy enough without this that I don't need to make time for a volunteer position where my needs and desires are not taken into consideration."

Then I decided to be mad at T. "Maybe it is my fault for never telling you straight out that I wanted to be more than friends with you and being afraid that I never meant as much to you as LEX did. But I don't want to hear about your new girlfriend. In fact, I don't want to hear from you at all for a while. Enjoy the game on Thursday. Bye."

This is where the anger began to fade a little and the upset started creeping back in. So I turned on a tape--loud enough to disrupt my quiet thoughts--and struggled to sleep.



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