Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Like a virgin

In the post I wrote yesterday, I quoted a passage which included this line, "suddenly our virgin is forty and has never been kissed." I think that is very rare these days--despite advertising in a cute movie with Drew Barrymore and the hot Michael Vartan. Judging from my own anecdotal evidence, I think most virgins don't restrict themselves from all sexual contact--they draw their own lines for what behavior is appropriate and use that to guide their conduct. Using my own personal definition for virginity, there is still a lot of room for fun without violating that standard.

The thing I find most interesting about this phenomenon is that individuals have different definitions of virginity. I'm a pretty traditional girl and I think my definition of virginity reflects that. I can think of a couple of other women who seem to share that view with me. My friend T disagrees. While I've never pressed him to tell me his definition of s*x, his is more liberal than mine, which surprised me. Partially it surprised me because I thought my definition of s*x was universal, but also because I wouldn't have expected him to have a more liberal definition. My expectation is a product of my expectation that men are all about s*x and don't want anything less. (To be fair, I should reveal that I've never had a boyfriend give me an ultimatum or put me in a situation where I was uncomfortable.) Despite the fact that I know my definition of s*x is correct, I see T's point. Some of the moments I've shared with men have been quite intimate--perhaps even more intimate than s*x in some situations. I also realize that my definition is heterosexist. Sorry, but it reflects my personal experience and perspective. Realizing that this definition is more fluid than I once imagined makes me pause and reconsider some of my opinions and decisions. Not enough to change them, but something to make me think.

being jennifer garrett: Too much yet not enough

"Normally, I listen to a CD while I drive to work. This morning, I listened to How@rd Stern because I couldn't help myself. I want to make this perfectly clear: It wasn't my fault. The first thing I heard when I started my car was How@rd asking some woman what she would do with her boyfriend before they got married, as she didn't believe in sex before marriage (this is how people end up married at 18). How could I turn that off? It's dirty and funny at the same time, in the way that only How@rd can be. So I keep listening, and it turns out the woman in question is Erica Durance, soon to be Lois Lane on Smallville. It's a little freaky knowing what Lois Lane did sexually, what was and wasn't okay, and what did and did not count as 'sex.' It also gave me one of those great 'huh?' moments -- you know, when you really just can't comprehend why anyone would do such a thing. Not that I'm not saving myself for marriage, too, but I just don't understand why all of these activities are okay, but this one in particular is not. I'm baffled. As usual." (Find this entry, dated 9/21, here.)



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