Memories of old loss

PJ called me on Wednesday night. When I saw his name on the caller ID, I inexplicably glanced at my desk calendar. First day of Chanukah.

After PJ broke up with me five years ago, we briefly got back together. We spent one evening together and he came to me soon after, telling me he couldn't be with me during the high holidays. He had "to figure things out." I knew then we would never be together again. He asked for my forgiveness during that same conversation per Jewish custom for the high holidays.

I know that there was no religious significance to when he chose to call me this week, but in my head I can't help but picture the two of us in my suitemate's room late on a fall afternoon, the afternoon I lost him for good.