Looking into the future

Every year for my birthday, my Aunt K asks us what our goal for the next year is. This year I didn't have an answer when I talked to her that day, so we agreed I'd let her know when I saw her a few days later for her birthday. Luckily she didn't ask because I didn't have an answer. Partially that is because I didn't put time into it to choose one. But it also has to do with the fact that when I look into my future these days, I don't see anything. That sounds like I have a death wish, but let me explain. When you're in school, you know that you will be in school from September through May, have summer off, then start the next grade in the fall. Since I graduated from college and haven't had that structure, my path seems so unclear that I can't answer any questions about my future.

Once when I was meeting with the vp at my last job, he asked where I wanted to be in five years. Complete blank. If you asked again now, same answer. Right now I can tell you that I am committed to advising the sorority chapter through May at least, and most likely for at least one more year after that. My role in the local SWE section will last until June 2006. Once I am done being section president, I will be able to be elected to the national Council of Representatives. Really, my interests don't lie there, but they lie in national office. However, I'm not sure I'm ready to take on the responsibilities for those positions yet, so being on COR may be the next step. And Girl Scouts? I'll keep doing what I'm doing (training leaders) until I decide I'm old enough to lead a troop. {grin} So that hits the activities I'm involved in, but still no idea about my job.

I love working with engineers and most of the time I like what I'm doing. I think I would like more responsibility but then when I'm given design opportunities I procrastinate a lot so it seems like it takes me eight times longer to do it than it really requires. I also do other things to make people think I'm not interested in being more responsible. Looking ahead, it seems logical that I will start to advance by taking on my own projects and then managing other people to help me complete them. After that I will take on the additional responsibility of managing my own budget and doing billing. I don't know if that's where I want to go. After that I could become a team leader or a manager. But sometimes I think once I've gotten my PE that I want to change focus and work in outreach--encouraging young women to become engineers.

And my confusion about my career future rivals that about my personal life. I should meet more men. I should try dating men who live in my geographic area. But I don't want to do this in bars or over the internet. What does that leave?

Me staring into a dark crystal ball, hoping for inspiration.