Looking into the future

Every year for my birthday, my Aunt K asks us what our goal for the next year is. This year I didn't have an answer when I talked to her that day, so we agreed I'd let her know when I saw her a few days later for her birthday. Luckily she didn't ask because I didn't have an answer. Partially that is because I didn't put time into it to choose one. But it also has to do with the fact that when I look into my future these days, I don't see anything. That sounds like I have a death wish, but let me explain. When you're in school, you know that you will be in school from September through May, have summer off, then start the next grade in the fall. Since I graduated from college and haven't had that structure, my path seems so unclear that I can't answer any questions about my future.

Once when I was meeting with the vp at my last job, he asked where I wanted to be in five years. Complete blank. If you asked again now, same answer. Right now I can tell you that I am committed to advising the sorority chapter through May at least, and most likely for at least one more year after that. My role in the local SWE section will last until June 2006. Once I am done being section president, I will be able to be elected to the national Council of Representatives. Really, my interests don't lie there, but they lie in national office. However, I'm not sure I'm ready to take on the responsibilities for those positions yet, so being on COR may be the next step. And Girl Scouts? I'll keep doing what I'm doing (training leaders) until I decide I'm old enough to lead a troop. {grin} So that hits the activities I'm involved in, but still no idea about my job.

I love working with engineers and most of the time I like what I'm doing. I think I would like more responsibility but then when I'm given design opportunities I procrastinate a lot so it seems like it takes me eight times longer to do it than it really requires. I also do other things to make people think I'm not interested in being more responsible. Looking ahead, it seems logical that I will start to advance by taking on my own projects and then managing other people to help me complete them. After that I will take on the additional responsibility of managing my own budget and doing billing. I don't know if that's where I want to go. After that I could become a team leader or a manager. But sometimes I think once I've gotten my PE that I want to change focus and work in outreach--encouraging young women to become engineers.

And my confusion about my career future rivals that about my personal life. I should meet more men. I should try dating men who live in my geographic area. But I don't want to do this in bars or over the internet. What does that leave?

Me staring into a dark crystal ball, hoping for inspiration.

Satisfying my Inner Child

I love Care Bears and it can all be blamed on my Aunt K. When we were young, my aunt and my grandmother got us stuffed animals for virtually every holiday. This led to stringent selection criteria that my aunt created including hugging and cuddling tests. One of the animals that found its way to me after passing the tests was Tenderheart Bear--the flagship Care Bear, the one with the single heart on his tummy. After Tenderheart, my aunt got me three other Care Bears--Wish Bear, Love-A-Lot, and Baby Hugs.

What did I love about Care Bears? Everything!

• the little curls of hair on the tops of their head
• the pads on their feet were heart-shaped
• Tenderheart's little tongue
• the enamel heart on their bottom that says "Care Bear"--kind of like the way Cabbage Patch kids had Xavier's signature on their bottoms
• they were just the right size to cuddle with when I was in elementary school

My love for Care Bears didn't stop with the bears. I had a couple of the action figures (Tenderheart and his cloudmobile!), the markers--they looked like the Care Bears but you pulled off their heads to color with them--and the movie on video. As I grew up, Tenderheart continued to be one of my most treasured stuffed companions. He went to Girl Scout camp with my aunt and I when we went to "parent-daughter" camp together and everyone thought she was my mom. When I was about thirteen we drove to Idaho Springs to have pizza at Beau Jo's and we stopped in a little antique store across the street. Aunt K got one of my first pairs of earrings--silver bears with turquoise on their tummies--and a Tenderheart glass from the Pizza Hut Care Bear collection.

As the 80s retro movement started, I was so excited to see that the Care Bears were coming back. My family all remembered my love for them, so I have gotten Care Bear pjs, stickers and keychains as they've come back. My college roommates and I were known to color Care Bear coloring pages off the internet when we needed a pick-me-up.

I got a phone call about a year ago--my Aunt K and my cousin were at Walmart and had something they needed to share with me. All of sudden, there were small Care Bear voices singing on the phone. They have brought back the classic Care Bear stuffed animals and these had a merchandising twist-they sing and if you have more than one sitting together, they'll sing together. I'm sure the other people at Walmart thought my aunt and cousin were crazy as they stood in the aisle and laughed with me on the phone. Shortly after I dragged one of my friends to Walmart to help me appreciate this phenomenon in person--they are so darned cute!

I gave in to my inner child on Sunday at Walmart--I bought Care Bear fruit snacks. The good news is they have patterns on their tummies, but the bad news is that they aren't as cute as the Care Bear gummy bears that I used to get at the movies that actually had hearts on their tummies. (And the company made the shopping even better--I miss shopping with my cross-country road-tripping visitor!)

My plea to the candy manufacturers cashing in on the retro trend: bring back the Care Bear gummy bears and I will never sneak candy into a movie theater again!

In the meantime I'll be here... snacking on my Care Bear fruit snacks! (They've made their way into my desk and the college intern across the aisle from me was reminicing about Care Bears with me yesterday...)

Tea party!

My sister and I were never really into tea parties as kids.  Drinking water with sugar out of my sister's little tea cups wasn't very exciting for us.  It wasn't until I was in high school or college that I got into tea parties.

My grandmother was born in Niwot, Colorado--a little town outside of Boulder.  When she was little, Reverend Taylor's church was on the second floor of one of the buildings.  Her family moved out of Niwot when she was in high school.  At some point, her daughter, my Aunt K, discovered that Reverend Taylor's had become a tea parlor.  Every summer after that, my aunt and her three nieces would have tea together at Reverend Taylor's.  It was the best--there were dress-up clothes and accessories to wear and lots of pastries to consume.  My youngest cousin is eleven years younger than I am, so she loved playing this glamorous game with her aunt and cousins.  By the end of tea, my sides hurt from laughing so hard and I was already tired from the sugar high.  It was the best way to spend a summer Saturday afternoon.

A few years ago, Reverend Taylor's had closed when we called to make our annual reservations.  We were very sad--especially since I've realized that I don't know what kind of tea they served, and it was the best.  But we haven't given up our tea parties--now we make our own treats and serve tea at my aunt's house.  It isn't quite the same, but the closeness is and that's what really counts.

Tomorrow I'm having tea at the Brown Palace with my best friend, B, her mother, grandmother and my mother.  I won't be wearing borrowed gloves or pearls, but it is still the best way to spend a summer Saturday afternoon.