I've been considering trying online dating and in preparation for that step, have tried to define what I'm looking for in a man right now. In general the qualities I want seem straightforward: intelligence and a sense of humor. The specifics are a bit more limiting, for example, I'm looking for someone within about 5 years of my age, working in a professional position, and childless. It is this last criterion that currently has me worked up.
that J introduced me to a couple weekends ago has an 8-year-old son. Being perfectly honest, he is nice but I didn't feel any special interest. Trying to figure out how to let him know I'm not interested without hurting him or upsetting J, I've thought about using his son as an excuse, but that doesn't feel right since that isn't the main reason I'm not interested. However, it has forced me to examine why I feel so certain that I don't want to date a father.
I'm in my mid-twenties and I've been supporting myself for several years now. I have all the basics of modern life and a few luxuries. I hold several leadership positions including working with girls from 11-21. I've been babysitting since I was 13. Obviously it isn't that kids scare me.
It is the idea of being a parent that terrifies me. I've wanted to eventually be a mom for as long as I can remember, but right now I don't feel like I enough of an "adult" to be a parent. Before I become a mom I want to be married to a great guy and have a home with him. I'm not ready to take on a parenting role to the child of a man I'm dating.
I would imagine that dating a man with a child would also have a different dynamic. At this point dating is something I'm out of practice with and I would prefer to start out casually. I'm probably assuming too much, but I worry that I couldn't casually date a dad.
So, for now, I'm sticking with my choice that dating a father isn't for me. I hate to make a blanket judgment like that, but I have to do what is right for me.