Tuesday, December 19, 2006

What can I say?

There were a dozen white roses on my desk when PJ arrived to walk me to dinner that night. After I turned to grab my ID and keys, I caught him covertly staring at them. I looked away when he met my eyes and those flowers became the silent elephant that followed us to dinner.

I felt hopeful that night when he and his two guy friends left and I stayed behind with the two girls in his group of his friends. I thought that this was the sign that I was becoming accepted as their friend, and not just that girl their friend liked. But the conversation paused and their eyes met. They way they held each other's stare froze my blood.

Y was direct. "I hear you got some flowers today."

I could've lied. D knew that PJ was a young man trying to impress me in way that was more than friendly and, honoring our agreement we could see other people, he sent my flowers to my roommate's mailbox. This was clearly a sign he'd been out of college for a while--the package slip was the best part of receiving any gift.

But I didn't lie. "I did."

The silence from the other side of the table was deafening and my words tumbled over another to fill it. "You see, I'm dating this guy, and so he sent me those flowers, but it's okay because we agreed that we can see other people."

They looked at each other again and this time JA took the lead. "PJ really likes you. You need to tell him about your boyfriend, or we'll have to."

There wasn't anything more to say.

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006


Tonight I glanced through a book at the library that was billed as a guide to retail therapy. Each page described the different things you should buy when facing a specific crisis. For example, if you hate your job you should buy a new suit or a briefcase to take with you to your next job interview.

I couldn't find a page that told me what to buy to dispel my anxiety and dread over having found the woman to replace me in my current sorority advising role.

I decided on a new copy of my favorite Christmas CD and gifts for three of my best friends.

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