Sunday, February 25, 2007

Go with your gut

What are the consequences when you ignore that feeling in the pit of your stomach? Is it an inability to stop talking, trying to wash away my doubts in a sea of words? Only gaining excitement from the excitement of others? Fearing that you'll hurt someone you're close to or find yourself in this same situation again soon?

What are the consequences when you ignore that feeling in the pit of your stomach, besides a stomachache?

Labels: ,

Sunday, February 18, 2007


"If you can't vent to a boyfriend, who can you vent to?"

I heard the slight uncertainty in his voice behind the word boyfriend. I hope he couldn't see the small flinch I felt transmitted through my muscles. I wasn't ready for that label yet. I acknowledged his comment with a smile and changed the subject.

Later he kissed me goodnight by my back door. I stepped away. "I thought you were leaving." "You're making that difficult," he replied. The exchange was familiar to me--a flirty coda that I'd initiated other times with other men. But this time I didn't feel wistful when he was gone.


Friday, February 16, 2007

Candy heart

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"
You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.
Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!)
Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic
What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays
Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get


Wednesday, February 14, 2007

We can't be just friends anymore

My mind raced as I fitfully tried to sleep. There were two girls sleeping on my floor and I was consciously keeping myself from tossing and turning in hopes of allowing them to sleep well. I may have dozed off for a few minutes before the phone rang in the middle of the night. Quickly grabbing it, my adrenaline raced and even once I discovered it was a wrong number, I knew that my attempts to sleep were done because my mind kept returning to the email from PJ I’d read before my abortive attempts at sleep.

We were nineteen and both fairly new to love on that day before that Valentines Day. PJ sent up a trial balloon, which might've been made of lead for how well I took it. All these years later I can still remember the pivotal line, "Unless we try dating, I can't be your friend anymore."

I sat up all night, quietly at first, staring blankly at the teen fluff movie that my roommate and her boyfriend were finishing, then discussing the whirling thoughts in my head with my roommate's boyfriend after she fell asleep. He offered me valuable insights, but I was still reeling when he fell asleep on the couch with her. I recorded that confusion in my journal but, beyond recording it for painful recollection later, the exercise served no purpose.

It didn't matter that I never came to a conclusion about his email. The grapevine between friends had given me a coward's exit--letting PJ know that his gambit was unsuccessful--and I was greeted the next afternoon with another email apologizing for the impression of an ultimatum. It turned out in the end that his unsuccessful email had opened the door and within days we were on our way to dating. But I can't think of Valentine's Day without remembering that long sleepless night.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Cactus flower

Like a cactus in the desert, I've gone a long time without rain, drawing on my twin reserves of memory and fantasy during this drought. But now there is a storm on the horizon. Suddenly as I open to the sky I can see that there have been storms around me all this time that I just closed my eyes to.


Friday, February 09, 2007

How did they know?

What Angineer Means

A is for Articulate

N is for Neat

G is for Giddy

I is for Irresistible

N is for Nerdy

E is for Emotional

E is for Emotional

R is for Radical


Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.