Put down

My mom just called me. She and my dad are coming back from his secretary's wedding and she wanted to let me know the details for the family reunion tomorrow. Of course that isn't the only subject she brought up.

"It was a beautiful wedding," she says. "I have so much stuff to show you from the wedding."

"Really?" I ask passively.

"Beautiful but costly. Luckily the bride and groom are well-to-do so they can afford the money they poured into it."

And there it is... just a few sentences and I feel inferior to a girl I don't even like. Oh, I just can't wait for the hour-long drive to the reunion tomorrow.

Warm gesture

Y and I were joining our friend BLB and her family for dinner two nights before her wedding, along with the newly arrived groom and his family. Her groom came through the door of her childhood home first, followed closely by his brother and parents. He made the necessary introductions first, then hurried over to where BLB was standing with us. He reached out and handed her a box of heating pads.

"I know how these help when you're stressed out, when your shoulders get tight, so I brought them for you."

She thanked him and leaned in for a kiss. Seeing his thoughtfulness, I had even more confidence that their marriage would work.

Wedding dresses

Trying to find a dress for my ex-boyfriend's wedding:

First attempt--dress ordered off and returned to internet: $52 - $48 = $7

Second attempt--casual wrap dress still hanging in my closet waiting for a more casual summer outing: $42

Last dress--finally found it!: $148

Hearing his new wife tell me, "You look beautiful!": Priceless

Individual responsibility

When I was in college, sometimes before we went to parties, I would approach one of my best friends. "Don't let me flirt with T," I would say. But inevitably, once the lights were dimmed and the drinks were poured, I would be standing close to T sharing my best smiles and giggling flirtatiously. Sometimes one of those friends would pull me aside. "You told me not to let you flirt with T tonight," they would remind me. I always insisted that I was an adult and knew what I was doing, pulling my arm away from hers and striding back to T's side until I got the attention I was looking for.

Those nights it wasn't alcohol that removed my inhibitions--I had already shed my responsibility, leaving it puddled at my friends' feet.

As I face T's wedding this weekend, I am sorely tempted to lay my mixed feelings at the feet of those same friends. But then I picture the faces of my boyfriend and T's bride and I swallow my words, silently packing my responsibility in my luggage with the dress for Saturday's wedding.

Wondering

I toyed with the silver ring as we chatted last month, moving it from my right hand to my left and on and off my left thumb and ring finger. I barely noticed the way my hands were moving as I indulged the absent-minded habit. My hands paused and she glanced down at them.

"Getting used to wearing a ring on that finger?" she asked. I followed her gaze and realized the plain silver band had settled on my left ring finger, possibly mimicking a plain band of gold that might one day rest there permanently.

"Oh no, I just play with rings when I wear them," I quickly corrected her with a smile, as I made a show of moving the ring to my other hand.

This morning I grabbed that same ring out of my jewelry box. As I toy with the ring in between thoughts, I think back to her question and glance down at my hand, appraising how the ring looks on that significant finger and wondering what it would be like to have someone else place a ring there.

Fifty thousand words

Five reasons I should’ve had a camera phone over the weekend:

1. The airport security guard on the Segway.


2. The 50 family members meeting their newly adopted Guatemalan infant relative.


3. So that kid across the aisle and I could have both taken pictures of my friend walking down the aisle.


4. Dancing with the bride, groom and my former roommates to our favorite song from that year: Any Man of Mine by Shania Twain.


5. To capture my favorite moment of the whole weekend: being enveloped in a group hug by the bride and two of the amazing women she and I lived with.

Faith restored

It is hard to feel ambivalent about love and marriage when you see a friend of yours marry someone that she loves so much and you know that they have overcome hard times and made sacrifices to be together. May they always remember the happiness of this moment.

That's what sisters are for

I rushed into the church only 10 minutes before J's wedding was due to start. I noticed the heavy curtains to my right and hurried between them. There was J surrounded by family and bridesmaids. She looked at me warily and asked what I needed. I smiled, "Nothing. Just came to bring you some handwipes in case you need them. And to see if you still need something blue?"

"Why?" she asked.

"Because I brought this for you," I answered, holding out an earring. The small silver earring, decorated with blue stones, was shaped like our sorority's symbol. Her face lit up in the first genuine smile I'd been honored with in days. She reached out and said, "I want it." And I watched as she pinned a piece of our sisterhood to her wedding gown.

....................................

Walking across the street to the rehearsal for J's wedding on Friday, I called out to the young woman crossing the street in the opposite direction, "Jaime! Jaime!"

The slim girl did a double take when she saw me and rushed across the lanes to grab me in a hug. "Hi, you got your hair cut!"

We spent a few moments catching up and then I excused myself to head into the campus chapel. Jaime asked me to give J her best wishes and then suggested that I call her if I wanted to get together this summer. I smiled, nodded and headed off to help our sister celebrate her wedding.

....................................


If I hadn't accepted that job offer four years ago, and if I hadn't emailed the local sorority chapter soon after I moved here, I wouldn't know the women in that picture with me (right) and I wouldn't know Jaime (that I crossed paths with above). My life would be less rich, less vibrant, and less fun. That's what sisters are for.

Unspoken

The rehearsal at the church was chaotic with conflicting instructions from the wedding planner and priest for how the attendants should enter and where they should stand. To further complicate issues, our numbers were lopsided--we were short one groomsman. Behind the chaos there was a quiet whisper--the bride's brother isn't going to make it.

L was one of my college roommates. A friend of a friend to fill the extra spot in our suite my sophomore year, she had quickly become one of my best friends--someone to laugh with, to shop with, and to plan crazy stunts with. Her brother enlisted in the Navy while we were living together and I was there to share souvenirs when she came back to school from visiting him. As her wedding approached, he was still on a ship in an unspecified location.

The morning of L's wedding dawned cool and clear. After getting all dolled up, the bridesmaids were trying to pass the time at the bride's parents' house without mussing our hair or carefully applied makeup. There was a phone call as we started eating lunch and the level of tension in the house rose--L's brother was in the US. After a sleepless night spent in a helicopter, he was one quick plane ride away. Common sense said he wouldn't make it in time for his sister's ceremony, but suddenly there was a reason for seeds of optimism.

Soon our time arrived; we dressed and then helped the bride dress. The photographer arrived and we posed like supermodels. During this time, the phone kept ringing--hurried conversations indicated her brother's plane had touched down. Then there was the call trying to locate his ride and one to confirm directions. As the photographer moved on and began taking family pictures, we waited in a clump on the stairs and readied ourselves to leave for the church. There were excited murmurs and L's mother came running through the entry in her mother-of-the-bride dress and heels to clasp her son standing in the doorway. Next came his grandmother and aunt to rush to greet him. Everyone was sniffling and I had to turn away to keep from ruining my makeup.

When I turned my head back, he had stepped into the living room and was clasping hands with his sister. The light from the windows behind them was muted by sheer drapes and there was almost a halo surrounding them, her in her lace dress and veil and him in his Navy whites. Their heads leaned together, I had to blink back tears watching this unspoken moment of love between sister and brother.

THAT ring

I have this friend who always threatens to give me one of those Tiffany's blue boxes. If his knees weren't too sore from playing tennis, he'd probably even get down on a bended one. If I were ever going to let him, I would have to put him through my pre-engagement education program (patent pending).

Step one: show the scene from Bed of Roses when Christian Slater proposed to Mary Stuart Masterson in front of his whole extended family and she runs out of the room and demands that they go home to NY.

Lesson one: proposals are best in a private setting. There is no need to make her feel pressured to say yes or for you to be embarrassed if she says no. (Although it does work sometimes--see While You Were Sleeping for rebuttal.)

Which brings me to lesson two--don't ask the question if you don't know the answer. While the moment of the proposal may be a surprise, the fact that you're asking shouldn't be. In season two of the Gilmore Girls, when Lorelei tells Luke that Max proposed, he asks all kinds of questions--where will they live?, are they going to have kids, or a joint checking account? She is ashamed to realize they haven't discussed any of those things. And it is a discussion about Max's role in raising Rory (Lorelei's daughter), which helps lead Lorelei to call off the engagement.

And then, for me, there is a third lesson. While I would like an effort made, I don't necessarily need that special blue box, or 1000 yellow daisies. I think the key is that those unique touches be personally meaningful. For me, I'm a traditionalist and the things that I do need include a bended knee and I would like my parents to have given their permission first. Like I said, I'm a traditionalist.

Oh, and if you haven't learned anything from the cliche about hiding the ring in the food and the bride-to-be needing the Heimlich maneuver, then you don't meet the IQ requirement for marriage or reproduction.